Miss Teenage Dream, Such A Tragic Scene

2003-11-24T09:08:00.000-08:00

I remembered exactly when and how I started on this blog: early morning at around 1-2am; out of boredom.
And I guess I'll remember when and how I am going to end it too.

I've been reading past entries, and decided that it is time for some sort of closure. So goodbye people, I'll inform you if I ever start on a new one.

2003-11-06T07:14:00.000-08:00

Remember "to the red shift and back"? Remember "I believe in Fate"? Remember the starlit night? All of a sudden, I find myself remembering, thinking, brooding. The old feelings creep up on you at times when you least expect it.

"Why is the mind incapable of deciding its own subject matter? Why when we desperately want to think of one thing do we invariably think of another?" --- winterson

It's a cold night tonight, it's cold and dark and lonely, so unlike the first time we looked at the sky together. The very first time, in November. It's November again, have you realised it?

"I didn't want to cry, I wanted to talk to her calmly and gently. But I did cry, hot tears falling onto her cold skin, scalding her with my misery. Unhappiness is selfish, grief is selfish. For whom are the tears? Perhaps it can be no other way."

What is love? It is certainly no guarantee of happiness. Loving someone opens you up to hurt and pain. Is there anyone in this world who can master love (with the possible exception of Iago)? Does love not escape all boundaries and rebel against all forms of control?

"Why is the measure of love loss?"

2003-09-09T11:04:00.000-07:00

People never listen to the truth.

2003-09-08T11:15:00.000-07:00

Ok...I'm like so damn tired of second-guessing and putting up with all the childishness...Just plain exasperation and exhaustion. Maybe he's right, maybe you are fundamentally screwed up and maybe you're right, that you're destined to be alone all your life... I'm not going to care anymore, I've cared enough and put in enough, it's your own grave you're digging anyway... Goodbye.

2003-09-08T08:22:00.000-07:00

I feel uneasy and bad somehow, that I didn't want to make any promises to you. I thought you'ld understand, and I don't know if you do, but it seemed like you were angry and upset. I still care a lot for you, and I really don't want to make you unhappy, but it's just that I didn't want to make you any promises which I feel I might not be able to keep. I do want to be friends, very much so, but I just can't promise. I'm really sorry. But it seems like you're going back to the previous aloof mode, after the little progress we made. Before last night, we were talking again, even if it was just over the phone or over sms, and I was happy about it. But now, you're just going back to where we were a few months back. It seems to me that you see last night as a last chance for being friends again or something, and I want to tell you it isn't. I just need time, and maybe so do you. So if you're reading this, please don't think that I wrote you off as a friend already, because I haven't...

2003-09-07T08:04:00.000-07:00

To Qixin:
Chris Rea---Fool (If you think it's over)
I think...

2003-08-25T08:39:00.000-07:00

So there I was, in the canteen the other day, when someone happily came up from behind me and poured Mami's flavouring into my hair. That someone (are u reading this now, -someone-) also told me once before to update my blog. (I updated! I updated! Go me!) I was so shocked that I merely stared at her for a minute or two, then sputtered out, "How did you get to my blog?!" Haha. When I first started out this blog, I didn't intend it for many to read it, not that there was much to read. Call me silly (for after all, a blog is something you place on the internet and absolutely anyone can access to it), but I really didn't think people I didn't know well or didn't know at all would come here and read what I wrote. Thus, the outpouring of heartfelt and perhaps rather intense emotions in previous entries... It was strange, I must admit, to discover that some people actually read this. Wonder what they think...

PS: Doing notes for Long Day's Journey Into Night is killing me. It's bloody depressing. Can't imagine living their lives. And so, since I've finished Hard Times and Silas Marner (the two least depressing books of the whole lot), I'm left with ALL the tragedies. Ain't that uncommonly jolly now! Haha.

2003-08-25T08:32:00.000-07:00

Won't open my mouth,
You know what I'll say
It hurts me that it's gotta be this way
I can no longer hide
God knows I've tried
I held on as long as I could
If I could change it, I would
This is the way I am,
And this is what I do.

I cry my tears
But they're not for you
Playing a game
I know you've done too
I shouldn't have waited,
But still it's all the same
Cause you know,
I'm just playing my game.

Close your ears if you don't like the sound of my voice
You're acting like I
Like I had a choice
But to leave you behind well,
I've made up my mind.

I cry my tears
But they not for you
Playing a game
I know you've done too
I shouldn't have waited,
But still it is all the same
Because you know,
I'm just playing my game.

Don't hold me with your eyes
The light in them I cannot see,
No need to blind me
There's this darkness where I walk
You thought you had your future
All figured out.

I cry my tears
But they're not for you
Playing a game
I know you've done too
I shouldn't have waited,
But still it is all the same
Cause you know,
I'm just playing my game,
I'm playing my game.

2003-08-07T22:19:00.000-07:00

Sitting Down Here Your words cut rather deeply,
They're just some other lies
I'm hiding from a distance,
I've got to pay the price
Defending all against it,
I really don't know why
You're obsessed with all my secrets,
You always make me cry
You seem to wanna hurt me
No matter what I do
I'm telling just a couple,
But somehow it gets to you
But I've learned how to get revenge
And I swear you'll experience that some day

I'm sitting down here,
But hey you can't see me, kinda invisible
You don't sense my stay
Not really hiding, not like a shadow
Just thought I would join you for one day
I'm sitting down here,
But hey you can't see me

I'm trying not to avoid you,
Just don't wanna hear your voice
When you call me up so often,
I really don't have a choice
You're talking like you know me
And wanna be my friend
But that's really too late now,
I won't try it once again
You may think that I'm loser,
That I don't really care
You may think that it's all forgotten,
But you should be aware
Cause I've learned to get revenge
And I swear you'll experience that some day

I'm sitting down here,
But hey you can't see me
Kinda invisible
You don't sense my stay
Not really hiding, not like a shadow
But sure I wanna join you for one day

2003-08-07T22:17:00.000-07:00

I woke up one day to find suddenly that you became the bane of my life, to just a blight. A small bit of stain that I probably can't get rid of as yet, but well, its better than a huge scar.

2003-08-05T08:40:00.000-07:00

I believe in Fate. So I would like to thank Fate for the wonderful, wonderful, absolutely wonderful friends I have. I read some of your blogs, and I felt truly touched. I never could have survive this year without you people. Thank you, all of you, you know who you are...

2003-07-05T11:20:00.000-07:00

I need something in my life... Something, something, something... Now if only I knew what that thing is...

2003-07-03T07:20:00.000-07:00

No point. It's not worth it anymore, especially since there is no more love left in you. I feel hurt and cheated, but well, that's the risk one takes for falling in love.

2003-07-02T08:33:00.000-07:00

I feel really tired emotionally. Common tests are on right now, but they're probably the last thing on my mind. I'm in a quandry. Don't know what to do. Trying to decide if all my efforts are worth it, then trying to decide what is worth it. Everytime I think I've reached a decision, doubts creep into my head. It seemed like yesterday when we first got together (7 months ago actually) Yet, time is a strange thing. Because it feels like eons ago when I was told I was really important (just two weeks ago). Perhaps this is really not meant to be. After all, is love supposed to bring you so much pain? Sometimes, I can't seem to stop, at others, I just want to disappear. I feel scared of you. Because I never know what will happen whenever I'm with you. Things change too fast. One minute you're so affectionate, and at another, it feels like I'm nothing to you. You know something? Every time I get upset, you're seldom there to comfort me. People who comfort me instead are my friends. Isn't that funny? You're the one whom I'm supposed to be attached to after all. I don't feel secure. I don't feel safe. I'm crying half the time. Why can't there be some consistency? It hurts to even think of you. To think of what you've said but not done, what you've not said but done. To think of the good memories, then recall the bad ones. All the fears, all the insecurities, they are still very real. I dream about them sometimes... It's... scary, not to say quite traumatising. I guess I'll stop here, it's getting too painful to continue. And it seems like all my blog entries nowadays are depressing. Not good.

2003-07-02T08:04:00.000-07:00

Someone told me once that I can never be alone, that I'll never be able to survive without people around me, and that I'll definitely get into relationships. I don't know if what she said was true, but right now, I think I'll be happier alone. Not like totally alone, without friends and family. But alone, without being in a relationship. Simply because they are too intense. Loving someone will open you to too much hurt. Agree?

Anyway, common tests have not been good.
History: I thought Source A was absolute crap and did not relate to the hypothesis at all, so, i wrote that down. Told Colin, only to have hysterical laughter in response. Guess what i did wasn't very wise.
English: Probably the hardest English paper I've ever done. 'Nuff said.
Economics: I didn't finish the essay. I didn't finish the case study. I forgot how to calculate an easy elasticity question in MCQ.

So now, I'm left with Math (bleargh!) and hist 's' (double bleargh!)...

2003-06-25T09:06:00.000-07:00

i finished reading harry potter and the order of the phoenix! yay! but that also means i'm terribly behind history. damn!

2003-06-24T11:33:00.000-07:00

hello. i've decided to update my blog of a sudden. it's been a long time since i last wrote in it. that's probably because now i write in my journals. i've got this stylish green one with a dog (or rather bitch) on it, which colin and jocelyn gave me (they basically changed the word 'dog' on the cover to 'bitch'. i wonder why...) but anyway, i had it for quite some time already -to be precise- since my birthday, and i've gone through 3/4 of the book. *proudly* (colin and joce, are you reading this? if you are you ought to be pleased) proceeding which, i've gone and got myself another journal; this one a lovely lavender which i got from bookbinders. i really should be studying history (specifically russian revolution) right now, but for a reason obvious to all, i can't. so here i am, updating a long-forgotten blog. it's, let's see, 2.25am on a wednesday morning. i've moved to bukit panjang already for those who have been living in a cave the past 3 weeks and thus have neglected to check their handphones. its bloody inconvenient here; i'm goodness-knows-how-far from civilization and it takes me 1hr to get to sch by bus. but then again, i love my new room (all the furniture's wood; and i've got a platform bed yay!) so i really should not complain. and oh yes, i've got a mahjong set :) so for those who wanna come play, you're welcome to, though i've no idea how u're gonna get here.. haha.
it's funny how i actually wanted to say how tired and lonely and frustrated and yet empty (this is so bizarre) i feel deep down inside, i wanted to write it all down here, but by the time i started writing, i realise i didn't really know how to fully explain the emotions inside me. so i...well... ended up writing all the above. ah whatever..if u have ever experienced what u think i'm experiencing and u know how to express it and know the source of it, drop me a msg?

2003-06-01T05:46:00.000-07:00

Sometimes, you try really really hard to forget, and you try really really hard to be strong. Then something happens, something comes along and destroys all that, so that you're back in square one again. And that scenario, like some kind of bad nightmare, would not end. What do you do then?

2003-06-01T05:43:00.000-07:00

How do you know if something is worth the effort you put in?

2003-05-17T08:10:00.000-07:00

It's tough to forget.

2003-05-09T09:23:00.000-07:00

It's over again again again... I'm tired tired tired... I want answers but there are none available... Life is unfair unfair unfair... Anna says that love is invitation for more pain... True? Wish I knew...

2003-03-26T09:40:00.000-08:00

Hello, school has been cancelled for the next one week, which also means history common test is postponed. And that is something I'm not very happy about cos it's supposed to be the LAST day tomorrow...Now I'll have the silly common test hanging over me for the next one week. Bleargh. Other than that, I'm a generally happy person. Well, happier than usual lar huh... I think not reading the newspapers help; you don't get the depressing news. Haha.

2003-03-16T10:02:00.000-08:00

One week since I turned 18, the world doesn't seem much different...Thank you those who showered me with presents, cards and well-wishes. Many told me to cheer up before my birthday, your birthday is coming they say, it will bring with it good luck and good tidings. My birthday was well spent, it was a great day, thoroughly enjoyed it, but how I wish everyday could be my birthday. I remembered telling Nicola one night over ICQ that happiness is an elusive entity. The more I try to seek it, the more it escapes from me. Incoherent post this is, but its 2am. Basically I did not have a good night. Quarelled with someone, then started my puking all over again, and I'm suffering from cramps as well. Bleargh. I want my health and happiness back... Where have they all gone? Why abandon me now? Why this year when this is the year I need you most?

"Life is a horizontal fall." --- Read it from this book called 'The Book of Despairs' or something along those lines. Thought it quite funny...
Another one: "If the world didn't suck, we would all fall off."

2003-02-20T06:36:00.000-08:00

"Silly girl...Silly, silly girl."

True, probably since I do read too much into things sometimes. :)
Things are getting on pretty ok nowadays, for which I'm thankful for.

I like Lit lessons more and more nowadays, Silas Marner is -I don't know how to say it- special? But maybe it's special because of the way Mr Purvis talks about it...Hmm... I actually feel for the book, something which I daren't say for Hard Times and Othello.

And you know what? I just realised that I'm turning 18 in two weeks time. Haha. How scary. Imagine that! 18! And life now is completely different from what I imagined life at 17-going-on-18 would be like when I was 8. Not that I'm complaining of course. I called Peiwen yesterday to talk, and was suddenly acutely conscious of the fact that I miss her a lot, not only her, but my secondary school classmates as well...Peiwen told me in her usual cheerful, loud self that Keith and her are going shopping for a present for me. Upon which, I was quite confounded and said rather confusedly, "Huh? What present?" With a touch of impatience, she replied, "Your BIRTHDAY present!" Hahah, it was then that it hit that yes, I'm turning 18 in two weeks time. So Keith where are u two going shopping for my present? Heh, Peiwen told me to ask you when I asked her that. By the way, I don't know if I told you this, but I really like the cupboard you got me last year. Have this weird penchant for boxes and containers alike. The cupboard is sitting on my table, and has been for the past one year. And in it, contains Peiwen's gift from last year as well...

Hmm... I'm rather looking forward to my birthday now actually, wonder what it will bring...

2003-02-06T06:14:00.000-08:00

Well well well... I finally updated my blog... Because I re-discovered how cathartic writing can be, it was a relief to get it all out, but doesn't writing just relieve the pain temporarily? By the way, the entries would only make sense if you start from the entry "It has been eons..." then read up from there.

2003-02-06T06:11:00.000-08:00

Sometimes, everything would seem like it was back to normal, the relationship would seem like where it was right in the beginning. It felt magical again. But sometimes, things and problems would just crop up and I would feel like a walking manifestation of pain. But I supposed I’m lucky that I’ve friends around me who can and will make everything seem alright again, that as long as I’m still alive, things would be ok in the end, like really… Thanks Dalg, for listening to me and helping me out, don’t know quite what to do if you didn’t offer advice. Thanks Colin, for yes, your affirmation of friendship as well.
February 3 2003, 3.40pm…I really and truly hope that everything will be ok, that we’ll be back to normal. You have no idea how much I yearn for the sense of normalcy again, for us just to be happy, for you to stop hurting me, for me to stop torturing myself (because maybe I’m an insecure, masochistic bitch), for my life to be peaceful again.
Hopefully, the next time I write, I can write about how all my wishes came through and if not all, then at least some of them…

2003-02-06T06:10:00.000-08:00

End of the year brought promos and also the end of promos haha… I got my history ‘S’ paper…
End of the year also brought new meaning to life, because I finally found someone I truly and deeply love and things went wonderfully well for two whole months. I have never felt so happy, so loved and so in love. I guessed I was always afraid to get into a relationship because I was scared that loving someone else too much would leave me vulnerable, that it would leave me open to hurt and pain. (something which Dalg just said is not true)
And before I even know it, 2003 came and sch re-opened, I’m now in J2, leading the 18th year of my life. A new year should really bring new hope, but the year started on the wrong… I had problems in my relationship. And for the next few weeks after that, all the way till now, there would be a new problem every week. Most of my nights I spent crying myself to sleep… it was painful to go to school everyday yet school served as a wonderful distractor. Contradictory, but isn’t most of life?

2003-02-06T06:09:00.000-08:00

Then things got better towards the middle of the year, life seemed more tolerable, once again, life seemed to offer new hope… But how was I to know that soon enough, I would be plagued by new problems. My family life went down, I was undergoing a rough patch when my godparents divorced and I found out that suddenly I have a new six-year-old cousin and a new 30-smth-year-old aunt to boot. And sch wasn’t going well either, I felt tired, tired of the system, I really just wanted time to stop, so that maybe I could get some rest. Then maybe I would feel rejuvenated enough to get on with life again. But things are never easy, and you never get what you really badly want.
But somehow or rather, I got through the middle of the year to the end of the year…I supposed it was because I was lucky enough to have friends rallying arnd me, helping me through everything. I really appreciate them for it:
Huiyi--- for being there every single time, every single time I need you, always my bestest friend… Love u
Zihua—for all the bitching sessions bout scandalous family life, also for putting up with me the past 5 years… though u irritate me for the fun of it all the time… Silly little girl..
The class girls---for I dunnoe, putting up with me.. haha whenever I PMS.. I really appreciate all of u
Peiwen--- for also being there, for being encouraging and supportive and being ever so frank bout things
Xiuhui--- you might not know this, but I feel cheerful whenever we go for our little chit-chat sessions and shopping trips :)

2003-02-06T06:03:00.000-08:00

It has been eons since I last blogged…It was probably just a short two to three months or so but time nowadays seem relative. A day can just pass by in the matter of what feels like seconds but a month can drag on like what seems like years. All of a sudden, I feel like writing again, like maybe I’m back to what I was before, yet deep down inside I know that’s not true. This is probably like a passing phase, a transient, temporal thing like how everything else is. The world is the same, yet it is different somehow. The sky looks the same—the same hue of blue, covered with white, fluffy clouds, the field is just as green, the buildings set against the skyline still look as beautiful, there are still echoes of laughter in the distance, but things are not the same. At the very least, my life is not the same. I know it’s silly to expect myself to stay the same over a few years, but surely I don’t deserve this whirlwind of events (mostly sad, unfortunate ones) over the past half year? At the beginning of last year, I thought to myself that finally I’m in junior college. It probably has a lot to offer, new friends, new life, new loves. There was so much hope, so many expectations. But one by one, my hopes and expectations died… and each time each one turned to dust, a little part of myself died together with it…

2002-12-12T08:21:00.000-08:00

i just realised that the tune to 'Santa Monica' by Savage Garden is beautiful, but unfortunately the lyrics don't make sense. Or at least, the chorus makes sense but it doesn't relate to the rest of the song. Oh well, one shan't seek perfection.

2002-11-26T09:41:00.000-08:00

Today is a good day. In fact, today is a great day :)

2002-11-26T09:34:00.000-08:00

Today is a good day. In fact, today is a great day :)

2002-11-21T08:14:00.000-08:00

Why is my family history so sordid? I feel like I'm living in a Hongkong serial cum Taiwanese soap. Adultery, illegitimate child, drugs, jail, homosexuality, suicides, insanity, abuse, theft, corruption, bribery, fights, you name it. Are you surprised I feel messed up?

2002-11-21T08:08:00.000-08:00

I just realised today how acutely I missed my godmother. I want her back. I really, really want her back. Everyone's talking about her in hushed tones already, like she's dead or something. She goddamn isn't! Why are adults even worse than children in facing reality?! Are we forgetting her already? I don't want to, but it's difficult to do so in a family that so prides itself in forgetting. I wonder what will happen if they ever find out about me, will they deny reality and go on with their lives? Will they make a big fuss, ground me forever and send me to a therapist...then forget?

2002-11-13T23:31:00.000-08:00

I feel so nostalgic today. I was just looking through my photo album, the photo album, the one tt details my life from one month old to seventeen years old. And boy, look at the change. I miss my childhood, I want to go back in time. *sighs*

2002-11-13T23:22:00.000-08:00

Sometimes, you just have to give your all. But giving your all just increases the hurt and pain in the end. And I hate feeling vulnerable.

2002-11-10T08:04:00.000-08:00

It's a Republican world... I'm repulsed
Urgh

2002-11-01T08:01:00.000-08:00

I'm really enthusistic about stoning nowadays :)

2002-10-30T08:25:00.000-08:00

Suddenly, I have this urge to conquer continents after continents, I want to be Khan, Hitler, Napoleon and Bismarck. I am hostile to anyone who goes against my self-interest, even bent on world domination. This can only mean one thing---I am hooked on 'Risk'...

2002-10-27T02:13:00.000-08:00

I've been doing nothing but eating, sleeping and watching TV the whole day. An extremely insipid day. I feel bloated and somewhat like a lump of fats.

2002-10-26T20:05:00.000-07:00

I feel so disillusioned.
Just a feeling, thought I would share.

2002-10-17T09:13:00.000-07:00

Welcome, we love you, we hate you, we love you, we want you,
We need you, we wish we were like you.
They say you're a saint, you're a whore, you're a sinner,
That he had you, made you, he can't live without you.
Would you confess if we asked that you nurture the urge,
To declare that it's time to settle down with a man of your own,
You want a baby, a family, a piece of security.

Shut your mouth, try not to panic,
Just shut your mouth, if you can do it.
Shut your mouth, try not to panic,
Just shut your mouth, if you can do it.

Just shut your mouth.
What's your opinion of the dire situation in our land here,
Our guest here, of course you'll be nice here.
How do you feel about God and religion?
Are you good people, bad people, guess it doesn't matter people?
Your place, my place, make her bring her famous face,
You got some, you want some, you wanna let me get you some.
We know your music but of course we'd never buy it,
It's too fake man, right man, we don't give a fucking damn.

Chorus

I hear you say it, play it smart girl,
Win the game love , give 'em what they want.
What they want to see and you could be a big star,
You could go far, make a landmark.
What have you been reading you smart girl?
Win the game love, give 'em what they want.
What they want to see and you could be a big star,
You could go far, make a landmark, make a shit load (a shit load, shit load).
And the world spins by with everybody moaning,
Pissing, bitching and everyone is shitting.
On their friends, on their love, on their oaths, on their honor,
On their graves, on their mouths and their words say nothing.

Chorus

Just shut your mouth.
I wanted to say something, oh shut your mouth,
I wanted to say something, just shut your mouth.
I wanted to say something, oh shut your mouth,
I wanted to be something, just shut your mouth.

Shut your mouth--Garbage

2002-10-17T08:43:00.000-07:00

The militant misogynist demands that I be there from 2pm all the way to 4pm. And of course, to top it all off, I've to be prepared to be a guest speaker. Sheila absolutely refuses to save my skin... Why, nahning? WHY?! Grrrr... the militant misogynist just single-handedly ruined open-house.

2002-10-14T09:54:00.000-07:00

It's finally over. Phew.
The weird thing is, I was actually looking forward to this day, but when it comes, I feel nothing. No euphoria, no excitment, nothing.
How anti-climatic.

2002-10-11T22:33:00.000-07:00

Conversation I had months ago:

X: Which university do you plan to go to?
Me: I don't know. But frankly I think I'll end up in NUS.
X: What's wrong with NUS?
Me: *reluctantly* Nothing.
*pregnant pause* (oh look, alliteration, one can't help but point out pedantically)
Me: Everything!

Sighs. I don't want to get back my promos results. And though I know that I've already screwed up Econs Paper 1 I can't be bothered to do anything for Paper 2.

PS: You know you are obsessed when you start seeing alliteration, hyperbole, irony etc every-bloody-where.

2002-10-11T09:09:00.000-07:00

I just watched Importance of being Earnest today.
Miss Prism is like another version of Miss Ho.
The similarities are uncanny. Scary.
*shudders

2002-09-28T12:15:00.000-07:00

How nonsensical is IPW?
On the scale of one to ten, its infinity.
I can't believe I stayed up till 2-freakin-am in the morn to complete it.
Pah!
What a waste of my sleeping time.

2002-09-07T09:17:00.000-07:00

Zihua says that Wilde got married before. Then he got a divorce to be with his lover. Hmmm... Interesting...I wonder what his wife's response was when she found out that he divorced her to be a man.

2002-09-06T10:36:00.000-07:00

I'm fascinated by rain. I love rainy days. I love storms. I love the way some storms would slink up behind you sneakily and drench you before you know it. I love the way some other storms would warn you of their approach, the gathering of dark, ominous clouds, the flashes of lightning and the growling thunder. A storm in brew. I love the sudden change in sky colour. I love the howling winds. I love the raw sensation of rain slapping on your face. I love storms.

2002-09-06T10:27:00.000-07:00

Divorces are made in heaven.
---Oscar Wilde

Well, Wilde is gay so it's obvious he had never experienced a divorce. Heck, he didn't even marry before. Which explains why he is so wrong. Divorces are hardly made in heaven, especially when it happens to people you're close to.

2002-09-06T10:02:00.000-07:00

2002-09-06T09:52:00.000-07:00

I ain't happy, I'm feeling glad
I got sunshine, in a bag
I'm useless,but not for long
The future is coming on
I ain't happy, I'm feeling glad
I got sunshine, in a bag
I'm useless, but not for long
The future is coming on
It's coming on
It's coming on
It's coming on

Yeah... Ha Ha!
Finally someone let me out of my cage
Now, time for me is nothing cos I'm counting no age
Now I couldn't be there
Now you shouldn't be scared
I'm good at repairs
And I'm under each snare
Intangible
Bet you didn't think so I command you to
Panoramic view
Look I'll make it all manageable
Pick and choose
Sit and lose
All you different crews
Chicks and dudes
Who you think is really kickin' tunes?
Picture you gettin' down in a picture tube
Like you lit the fuse
You think it's fictional
Mystical? Maybe
Spiritual
Hearable
What appears in you is a clearer view cos you're too crazy
Lifeless
To know the definition for what life is
Priceless
For you because I put you on the hype shit
You like it?
Gunsmokin' righteous with one token
Psychic among those
Possess you with one go

----'Clint Eastwood' by Gorillaz

2002-09-05T08:14:00.000-07:00

Oh my gawd....
I know its irreparable now, okie?
But for the hundredth time D-O I C-A-R-E

2002-09-05T07:55:00.000-07:00

Lalalala

2002-09-04T08:33:00.000-07:00

Colin just told me that there's so such word as irrepairable.
Do I care?
Nanyang has done me a wrong here....
Like hello, where's your sense of sympathy?

2002-09-04T08:29:00.000-07:00

Snip, snip, snip, went the sissors. And my hair fell as I watched in morbid fascination.

You know when Nanyang done you irrepairable damage when you realise that you can't grow your hair any longer than shoulder-length.
*sighs

2002-09-03T21:46:00.000-07:00

Time flies, does it not? Life is transient. Moments of childhood have become just fleeting memories. I missed those times where days were filled with happy thoughts and joyful laughter. I asked if he remembered those days. He replied that days still can be like that now. They need not just melt into one another and become one unrecognisable mess. "What about work?" I asked, perplexed. "What about it?" He said. I admire him for his indifference, yet I hate him for it.

2002-09-03T21:29:00.000-07:00

As I grow older, I realise that I become more and more contradictory day by day. One moment I would feel this way, at another, I would feel completely different towards that one thing. Blah.

This morning, when I woke up, I felt like writing. Writing what, I don't know. Nevertheless, I turned on my computer and started typing. But all of a sudden, I felt tired. I didn't want to write anymore. In fact, I loathe it. Why do I just churn out crap nowadays?

Mr Purvis said in class one day that we should treasure our youth. We should go out and play, we should fall in love again and again. We should not be too harsh on ourselves. At the same time, we should get our grade A's and not end up in the National University of Singapore. I'm confused. Exactly what should we do? Who says teenagers have it easy?

I think, I think relationships are scary.

2002-09-03T21:23:00.000-07:00

On Irony

Sometimes, I wonder why people keep a blog. It's narcissistic is it not? And why would one want the whole world to read one's innermost thoughts?

2002-08-18T08:31:00.000-07:00

My brother was especially sweet to me today. I think it was because he knew that I was upset and depressed bout something. Thus, I decided that he -is- quite tolerable. *gasp* I do love that silly boy after all.

2002-08-17T08:55:00.000-07:00

My throat feels like there's a frog stuck in it.
And I sound like exactly what I feel.
My nose is blocked.
My brain feels slow and dense.
Basically, I'M IN MISERY!
Why did my dad pass the flu virus to me? Why? Why? Why?

2002-08-13T02:31:00.000-07:00

Going for No Doubt and Cranberries
lalalala

2002-08-11T08:37:00.000-07:00

Sometimes I wonder why I even bother

2002-08-10T20:18:00.000-07:00

I just finished reading this book called 'About A Boy' by Nick Hornby. It's great. It's funny and sad at the same time. Sadly funny...Funnily sad...Oh bother! Go read it for yourself.

2002-08-10T20:15:00.000-07:00

Yay...Managed to adjust it to the correct time, close enough anyway.
Been trying for ages bloody hell and finally, finally, finally. Hahaha.
Yes, 'm a little Miss Prissy when it comes to dates and times, so shoot me.

2002-08-10T20:09:00.000-07:00

On Life

She was wrong, he was almost positive. You could shut life out. If you didn't answer the door to it, how was it going to get in?

2002-08-10T10:39:00.000-07:00

And you know what...the time in this thingey is wrong...shyte...the date as well
But I have no idea how to change it. Hahaha, I'm quite hopeless in this
Oh well...
Can someone enlighten me on how to change it?

2002-08-10T10:01:00.000-07:00

Hello! I've decided to start a blog at gee...12.56am on a sunday.....why? Because I'm feeling decidedly bored. I just downloaded and listened to Louis Armstrong's version of 'Dream A Little Dream Of Me', which explains the relatively chirpy title. It's a good version(in my opinion at least), go download it all of you.

I never knew starting a blog was so difficult. All the user-names I wanted were already taken, even the URLs were taken. How infuriating...and of course the person I requested help from was most -helpful- He suggested I use "Irritating ex-NY Girl" as the title...
*not amused

Anyway, it's 1.04am...I don't want to type anymore (or rather, I've nothing to type anymore). On a totally unrelated note, I hope i maintain this blog (have this annoying habit of not completing things) Bleargh!